Letter From John Duryea
(1918-2006)
Dear Friends,
Greetings to all of you, whom I dearly love. I have so many memories of times you and I have shared. My life has been wonderful, thanks to you and to my love, my dear Eve.
I wish to die now, because life is getting too painful for me. I have dermato-fibrosarcoma protuberante, a rare kind of cancer. In addition, my growing blindness and deafness and weakness give me the feeling of being in a fog all the time, and cut off from people, especially my family. This is so unlike my experience of life.
Each day I find it more and more difficult to imagine what existence will be like on the other side. But I hope for reunion with all those I loved who have died.
From beyond death, I do not wish to reincarnate; I do not wish to return to this earth to face the tangled-up affairs of the world. But I do wish to remain a priest. In my experience, communication between the living and the dead has not been adequate. I would like to foster that communication, with my helping love.
May God guide you as you have to deal with the present chaos of the world. May God bless Dr. Kevorkian who is suffering in prison because of his love and care for people who wanted to choose the time and means of their deaths. May God bless the state of Oregon, which now offers people this freedom.
I will go soon. Of all the images I take with me, the strongest are of my beloved mountains. I look forward of course to being with my parents, uncle Dan and aunt Minna, and to the great friendship circle of relatives and friends who have gone before me.
Love, John
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John Duryea dictated this letter on Friday, July 21st, in Oaxaca. He passed away on Saturday, and was cremated Sunday.
posted by Contact at 11:12 AM
15 Comments:
That was so beautiful. Thank you for sharing all you have.
i wish you peace and serenity while you cope with your loss.
He was, and still is a truely beautiful person.
~jen
Hello, Ariel. Your distant but devoted Catholic friend here who wishes you well, always. I am sorry about the loss of your stepdad. May I make one suggestion? Or two? If you cannot stomach a Mass to say some prayers for your dad's soul, have a Mass said for him. As you know, we Catholics believe we are in communion with not only the saints but with all the dead and we pray for souls gone before us -- regardless of their lifestories. You can call a Catholic Church and have a Mass said and give a some small pocket change to the church for their efforts. But why not try a Mass, esp since you are already familiar with the service? Out there by you is of course that gorgeously historical St Stephen Church or there is always the 5:30 pm Mass at St Mary's Cathedral Sundays. A shorter daily Mass in the morning is available at all Churches. One other thing I am compelled to say. I cannot agree with your beloved stepdad about assisted suicide. I believe firmly and without hesitation that the greatest joy eventually arrives to those who must suffer in this lifetime. I am very Catholic in this respect, you know, the "offer it up" routine. So much of life entails suffering, both physical and psychical. We learn this firsthand of course from the life of Christ. Out of the wellspring of our despair arrives the new day. We learn balance in our lives, how to better love and serve one another, as well as God who loves all creatures, great and small. I will ask a priest friend to say a Mass for John, too, if you don't mind. Good luck to you. LINDA
This photo and this letter were so beautiful, they made me cry.
Ariel, thanks for sharing this letter and for sharing your story about when he came into your life as a kid. What sweet expressions of love you both wrote.
love
Amanda
Ariel...may the loss of your father bring unexpected blessings....and may have already.
This afternoon when dropping my son to play at his friend's, the step mom (whom I rarely see) said she had the book she told me about almost two months ago when you visited Oly...couldn't even remember what she was talking about, though your name was familiar and I had an aha when I look at your bio. You see, I've been on the precipice between staying alive and well, not, lately. My single mom world has been crumbling beneath my feet for a number of years due to chronic debilitating body pain and its resulting cascade of utter brain fog, insomnia and loss of function during the episodes, to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm now certifiably loony. My material world has crumbled as well. If not for my children, I may have been long gone. I read Death and Resurrection today and was awed that it seemed to be written for me. I'm not Catholic but was raised JW, and can't quite throw out the baby with the bathwater...
Now I know I have to live but I have to go up to the mountain to die for a while in order to heal these bleeding scars before I can reemerge to do the rest of the work I came here to do....and my kids'll be fine.
Prayers for a peaceful crossing for John
THANK YOU with all my heart.
YOU'RE a saint!!!
love love love
Hi Ariel,
I hope you remember me from our childhood. John was truly a wonderful man. My entire family is sad to hear of his passing, but we are glad that went with peace. Please give your mom and Leslie the Stewart family's best wishes. I think of you all often, and I'm sorry that it took John's death to prompt me to seek you out. Someone said in a comment, "may the loss of your father bring unexpected blessings..." Perhaps this is one? With much love, Amy Stewart
Dear Ariel,
We lived next door to John's family when they lived on Lincoln Avenue in Palo Alto in the 1930s. Later John became a dear friend of our family and performed my brother's wedding ceremony and both of our parents' funeral services. John was a gentle saint. We mourn your and our loss.
Klaus Brandt
Oh, Ariel...I am so sorry for your loss. You have had too much of loss in too short of a time, I think. Your story about your father is so beautiful. He must have been such an amazing person. I will hold you in the Light.
I only found your site today and wanted to tell you that I am so sorry for your loss. I am reading your archives now and am very moved.
It's odd. When I first clicked on the link (I think from Nakedjen) and landed on your page, I felt an immediate sense of peace. I'm not just saying that. It struck me as so odd, that I immediately made another Folder in my bookmarks for your site (and later for others) and called it Spirit. I hadn't even read all of the first entry I found when I did that.
Peace and love to you and your family and friends. I will be visiting often.
We met Fr. John Duryea at Newman Club at San Jose State in 1960. He married us at St. Anne's Chapel in Palo Alto in 1964. We have always had the deepest respect and love for him and have wanted to keep in touch with him and let him know we are still married, have 3 children and 6 grandchildren. Recently we had a Newman Club reunion here in Rocklin, Ca., and many remembered him with love and affection and tried to find out where he was. Now, we are sure he is with God. Thank you for sharing this website with all those who want to know about him. Frank and Fran Neves
Dear Ariel - I'm so sorry for your loss. The story of your stepdad and his role in your life has been such as sweet. Best wishes to you and your family.
Dear Ariel - I'm so sorry for your loss. The story of your stepdad and his role in your life has been such as sweet. Best wishes to you and your family.
Dear Ariel, I just came across this site and was saddened to learn of the passing of Father Duryea. I first met him when I was about 7 or 8 years old He gave me my First Holy Communion at what was then called Saint Joseph's Church in Oakland. It was in the early 1950's. I just remember he was a young priest that everyone of the kids liked. My family moved to Santa Clara and in 1961 my mom went into a Catholic Hospital to have surgery. One day I was waiting outside her room, and I looked up at the nurse's station and there was your stepdad. I walked over to him and introduced myself. Of course he didn't remember me. I changed more in 10 years than he did. Later in the 1970's I was living in Los Angeles, Calif. and was watching a cable show and there was Father Duryea. He was saying that he had left the Church and was married. I gasped out loud,"Oh my God" and was so deeply thrilled for him and what he had done. Everything he believed in was what I as an adult had come to agree with. His letter is as full of honesty, grace and dignity as he was. We were all lucky in this life to have known him. God Bless you and your family. Sincerely, Guy Apollo
Dear Ariel, I just came upon your cite and was deeply saddened for your loss. Father Duryea's letter is nothing short of what he was all about. You see, I first met him in the early 1950's at Saint Joseph's school in Oakland Which is now called Sacred Heart. He gave me my First Communion. I guess I was around seven or eight years old. My family moved to Santa Clara, Calif. and in 1961 or 1962 my mom was in a Catholic Hospital fr surgery. One day I was waiting outside my mom's room and there he was. Standing and the nurses station. I went up to him and introduced myself. Of course he didn't remember me. It was now at least 10 years later and I had changed more than he had.
Dear Ariel, I just came across this site and was deeply saddened to learn of your stepdad's passing. I first met him when I was about 7 or 8 years old.. He gave me my First Holy Communion at what was then called Saint Joseph's in Oakland. My family moved to Santa Clara, Calif. and in 1961 my mom went into a Catholic Hospital to undergo surgery. One day, I was waiting outside her room, I looked up at the nurse's station and there was Father Duryea. I walked over to him and introduced myself. Of course he couldn't remember me as I had changed more in 10 years than he did. He prayed with me for my Mom and then we wished each other well. In the 1970's I was living in Los Angeles, Calif. One day I turned on the television and there on a cable show was your stepdad ! He was being interviewed about his leaving the Catholic Church and getting married. I was so happy and proud for what he had done. As an adult I too believed in what he believed and stood for. I'll always remember him as that young priest that came into my life at such an important time. May God Bless you and your family. We were all lucky to have known him. Sincerely, Guy Apollo.
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