love
I was just email-talking with another editor woman & she was lamenting the myth of The One--and haven't we gotten past relationship as the ultimate validation?
What's up with the hysterical fear of not meeting The One?
Is it about wanting kids and the fear of single motherhood?
Or is it something else?
posted by Contact at 9:06 AM
9 Comments:
I don't think it has anything to do with gender or orientation - just the f*ed up way we daydream about having a relationship where we wouldn't have to put in the work.
I think it may be the human fantasy to be Loved and Understood by another in a perfect way. Which is impossible, of course. I think many relationships probably end over ridiculous expectations like this. I've been married for 17 years. Is he THE ONE? Don't know. We're still here. But it's tough a lot.
Maybe it falls along the same lines of needing to believe in a higher power or in aliens. It's scary to think that we're alone in this universe.
Such a great point. The media has us thinking we failed if we don't find a mate/partner with whom we have white-hot physical compatibility, ideal rapport, and great economic partnership.
I don't know, I may be at the other end of this. I JUST mused this weekend that I might actually have the desire, mental space, physical space, etc. to want THE ONE. I anticipate my relationship with the ONE to be full of conflict, passion, make-up sex, travel, making flims. I expect it to be really dirty in a lot of ways. I am done with daily kids, so maybe there is some validity to where I am at? It's not connected to my mothering. It's connected to my brain and vagina.
just remarking on inga's last post, this detail: "I am done with daily kids" thats cool! I never knew quite how to put it, I would say, now that I"m not a mother anymore (and people would say: YOUR a mother! you'll always be a mother!)
and I ws like: "well now that its not hard anymore. now that I'm not doing active daily motherwork.."
or I dont' remember what I said. its so hard to explain this stage where I'm at now. its kinda post empty nest, getting used to it. my daughter lives a mile away I see her at least once a week and everything is gravy, no worries. when i do mothering stuff (drive over drop off herbal remedies; lend a few bucks; say here, take some food with you) its so freaking easy and comes natural, not like work. and mothering was Hard. it was worries. I dont' have that anymore, I have a grown 21 year old who always was mature for her age and hit adolescence early.
ok, off topic. but "the one" wow - I never think about that these days. either/or is cool with me - love or not, or any (mental) variety.
My only f***ed up The One fantasy involves a flaky belief that I needed to get with my dh so that my kids would be born. Like "okay, I guess this HAD to happen, because otherwise they wouldn't be here and obviously, the world freakin' needs them" - kind of like those old Elfquest comic books...
I am in love. In that love I have experienced EVERY human emotion possible. Passion, rage, fear, joy, laughter, indifference, ect....All of them. And never in any experience on earth, have I seen more of myself more clearly and learned to accept it. Because someone else was there to say "Hey, we're all messed up sometimes, you are no different, and I want to be here forever in spite of it. The more I love him, the more I can be honest with myself and see myself for what I am.
For me it's as corny and as simple as wanting to be a better person and having a gorgeous human being there to validate me.
Society puts this ridiculous obligation on people, especially women, to follow some social timeline. "Graduate college...marry soulmate...have kid #1...kid #2...blah-blah-blah." It's insane and we feel like something is wrong with us if we scramble up the sequence of events. We should not give up our dreams and should always hold out for the best in life and in love. Never settle!
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