What's your experience being fat?
A student of mine is working on a project about the experience of being a fat woman in America and looking for input... Please help! She's especially interested in hearing from fat women, but all are welcome.
How do you feel when you hear a woman described as fat? Neutral? Sad? Sorry for them? Pissed at the skinny asshole who is describing?
What could the real experiences of a fat woman (funny, sad, delightful, sexual, honest accounts of discriminaton) provoke in readers accustomed to weight-loss memoirs?
In your opinion, is fat discrimination comparable to racism, sexism, homophobia? Why? Why not?
What immediately comes to mind when you think about clothes for fat women?
What images do you see when you think about fat women as sexual? How are these images the same or different than the sexuality America pushes
There's no judgment here--we live in a society where fat is bad, we know that. Be honest, and have no fear! Post your answers here or email Shell. Answer one or a few of the questions--whichever inspire your imagination.
How do you feel when you hear a woman described as fat? Neutral? Sad? Sorry for them? Pissed at the skinny asshole who is describing?
What could the real experiences of a fat woman (funny, sad, delightful, sexual, honest accounts of discriminaton) provoke in readers accustomed to weight-loss memoirs?
In your opinion, is fat discrimination comparable to racism, sexism, homophobia? Why? Why not?
What immediately comes to mind when you think about clothes for fat women?
What images do you see when you think about fat women as sexual? How are these images the same or different than the sexuality America pushes
in glossy mags?
Why do you think "fat" is scary to many people?
posted by Contact at 7:37 PM
13 Comments:
Oddly, I never really thought of myself as fat until other people starting telling me that I was. It was kind of shocking. I am just kind of big person in general, I think that makes a difference. Maybe I would feel differently if I were of short stature. I have always thought that it was kind of necessary for me to be a big, fat person.
How do you feel when you hear a woman described as fat? Neutral? Sad? Sorry for them? Pissed at the skinny asshole who is describing?
I immediately feel empathy because I assume they have an emotional, unhealthy relationship with food, just as I do. I feel empathy because I know their secret - I know that they are secretly eating, perhaps feeding themselves in the way nothing else can.
I don't like saying that, because I am fat. But that is how I feel. I want to feel that fat is beautiful, but when I often feel like it is a sign of a woman who is not mentally/emotionally nourished.
I also like to blame Big Ag and high fructose corn syrup. I think when we look back at this time in our food history, where we have been sold food that is hardly nutritious, that is packed with chemicals and unhealthily manipulated substances, we will wonder how we had been hoodwinked by the Cargills and ADMs of the world into thinking fruit roll ups, sweetened cereals and enriched anything was a good idea.
What could the real experiences of a fat woman (funny, sad, delightful, sexual, honest accounts of discriminaton) provoke in readers accustomed to weight-loss memoirs?
I don't know. I wish I wish I could feel that there was a story arc possible in a weight loss memoir that didn't end in weight loss, but that's my current path.
In your opinion, is fat discrimination comparable to racism, sexism, homophobia? Why? Why not?
I think it's more comparable in some situations to a disability, because for some people, they have true compulsional issues with food. So it's like depression, alcoholism, etc.
For other people, they are just outside of the "accepted size norm" and in those cases, those people are experiencing discrimination on par with sexism, racism, homophobia.
What immediately comes to mind when you think about clothes for fat women?
I think of the glittery, sequinned crap at Lane Bryant which all reminds me of something Star Jones would wear. I think of elastic waist pants. I think of poor sizing that assumes that the bigger the waist size, the bigger the thighs, calves, arms, etc.
What images do you see when you think about fat women as sexual? How are these images the same or different than the sexuality America pushes in glossy mags?
You know, Beth Ditto is the lone sexy fat woman i the media I can think of. In every other context, fat + sex = some porn fetish. When we read sexuality articles in glossy magazines, they typically are accompanied by photos of white couples tangled up in white sheets and both could double as models in a Bally Total Fitness commercial. Sexuality is never represented properly in glossy magazines. You have to go to the web and actual porn to see a true representation of sexuality.
Why do you think "fat" is scary to many people?
Fat represents being an outcast. You are visibly different, and thought to be a mindless pig. The reality of it is, for people with emotional eating disorders like me, is that our eating is calculated and never done publicly.
How do you feel when you hear a woman described as fat? Neutral? Sad? Sorry for them? Pissed at the skinny asshole who is describing?
I usually feel neutral about the "fat" person and then curious about the POV & motivation, of the person who comments.
What could the real experiences of a fat woman (funny, sad, delightful, sexual, honest accounts of discriminaton) provoke in readers accustomed to weight-loss memoirs?
I think more real sexual stories about fat people could provoke understanding and compassion. I think many people assume fat people are not sexual beings, which is not my experience.
In your opinion, is fat discrimination comparable to racism, sexism, homophobia? Why? Why not? It is in my life, however, as a white middle class person, it may be the closest thing to discrimination I will experience, and I can't measure the hardship other with less privlege might go through.
What immediately comes to mind when you think about clothes for fat women? poorly made, over priced, not sized with much thought to different body shapes. UGH!
What images do you see when you think about fat women as sexual? How are these images the same or different than the sexuality America pushes
in glossy mags? to be honest I never see sex positive or sexy images of fat women. in media, fat women are generally frumpy or matronly, I know many beautiful, sexy fat women, but I never see people like them on TV.
Why do you think "fat" is scary to many people? because it is one of the last thing they can overtly, discriminate against. It feels like a power and control issue to me.
sorry to be in a rush, baby is hollering more me!
Heidi Lawler
"In your opinion, is fat discrimination comparable to racism, sexism, homophobia? Why? Why not?"
Yes! I think that these are all the exact same thing...a side effect of the nasty problem of people's desperation to fit themselves and each other into a rigid social heirarchy, into rigid categories, and their deep, terrible discomfort when someone doesn't fit into that category.
When someone's gender is impossible to determine, for example, even people who identify as feminist or open-minded about different sexualities often feel deeply uncomfortable. Human beings don't know how to treat people we can't easily categorize. We resort to bigotry as a kind of shorthand, a substitute for the intellectually treacherous challenge of living in the present moment and actually THINKING critically about our responses and actions.
"How do you feel when you hear a woman described as fat? Neutral? Sad? Sorry for them? Pissed at the skinny asshole who is describing?"
Sorry for the woman and mad at our society. As someone who has been a little overweight and is now a slim (not skinny) weight, I get treated better by EVERYONE. And no, it's not that I exude more confidence or something. It's that the people around me are pathetic and desperate, desperate, desperate to respond to cues about social capital--a rich white guy is going to be respected more than a poor black woman. A beautiful 20-year-old woman is going to be respected a lot more than a beautiful 50-year-old woman. If you see an actress on TV or in a play who is not conventionally good-looking or skinny, do a little googling...she's gonna be Meryl Streeps daughter, or her dad will be some famous director who started putting her in movies when she was a little kid. Nepotism trumps beauty, beauty trumps talent, and so on. It's a maddening society and yet, hypocritically, I feel so good when I come out on top. And then I feel bad about myself for feeling that way.
"What could the real experiences of a fat woman (funny, sad, delightful, sexual, honest accounts of discriminaton) provoke in readers accustomed to weight-loss memoirs?"
Well, as someone who's never been actually fat and has mostly been thin and conventionally good-looking (blond, blue eyed, big boobs etc), I LOVED and was very inspired by "Fat! So?" by Marilyn Wann.
"What immediately comes to mind when you think about clothes for fat women?"
That if you're fat, there's no reason to even bother trying to look good. (Yes, I know how sick and awful that is, but I also think it's important to give voice to that.) For myself, I noticed that trying to look good at a size 12 was just futile, and it was so hard to find clothes that really flattered. At a size 2 or 4, I look cute no matter what and don't have to worry about what I wear.
"What images do you see when you think about fat women as sexual? How are these images the same or different than the sexuality America pushes
in glossy mags?"
I saw a movie recently, "Disfigured", which I had mixed feelings about, but there is a sex scene between two fat people and I was happy to see it. Sexuality as portrayed in glossy magazines has nothing to do with the HUMAN body, fat or not. I mean, we all smell and have body hair and blood and organs inside and sloppy labia and freckles and clogged pores and flaws. I know women in real life who look airbrushed and make lots of money modelling, and even they are not actually airbrushed. The very fact of trying to turn dead-eyed images of frozen, airbrushed teen girls into sex objects and use them to sell cars or overpriced handbags is f--ed up!! If we replaced those images with images of fat women posing, that would be f--ed up to.
"Why do you think "fat" is scary to many people?"
Unlike being part of other groups low in the social heirarchy--being non-white, being female, or coming from a working-class family, for example--fat can happen to everyone!! And for many women in this culture, it feels like we're always perilously close to losing the teeny bit of social status youth and beauty afford us.
When I hear a woman described as fat I feel angry and sad. It is perfectly acceptable for anyone and everyone to comment on the obese, it really is a socially acceptable form of discrimination. There are so many traits that make us up as individuals and it is disheartening to know that descriptions like funny, kind, smart are thrown out the window for "fat".
I think the real experiences of fat women would be a breath of fresh air.
I do think it is comparable to racism, because people assume things about you and judge you poorly based on your appearance. If people are overweight due to compulsive or emotional over eating, it is a addiction just like alcoholism or drug addiction, but worse because you have to eat daily to survive and you wear your addiction every where you go.There is no annonimity in that.
Most clothes for fat women are absurd. There are a couple of stores that offer nice clothes for bigger woman, but as a bigger woman it is still frustrating because I feel like an outcast going shopping with friends because I have a "special" store. I generally shop alone which fuels this isolation.
I think humans are sexual beings regardless of size, but our society makes us feel that we shouldn't want to be sexual or expect someone to desire us if we are not a specific size. It is unfortunate that we are bombarded with an expectation of beauty that very few people fit into. Seeing more real woman in sexual situations might desensitize Americans or it might perpetuate the name calling. I don't know?
I think fat is scary to most people because either way you don't fit in to society and people cling to the identities as conformist. If you accept your size, you are weird for liking your body or if you hate yourself and feel ashamed you alienate yourself anyway. People, especially women are over weight for a variety of reasons. I for instance have a medical disorder that was misdiagnosed for 15 years. When I learned how my body reacted to food and modified that, I started losing weight.But it doesn't go away over night and even as a thin person I will still be molded by my experiences as a fat person.
I was very thin in high school/college and got fat in my mid-20s after having my first child. I have to say that I have never felt much different as a fat person than I did as a skinny person. I don't eat differently - I sometimes eat unhealthily but not as much as I did when I was thin - I just don't have that girl's metabolism anymore. I only feel different in the sense that I have aches and pains that I didn't have as a girl. When people treat me as an outsider, I tend to think of it as being because of my values rather than my weight. If I felt more different, maybe I would be more motivated to starve myself skinny...maybe not...I don't know. I feel mostly the same - just more tired, and I think motherhood would have done that regardless.
How do you feel when you hear a woman described as fat?
What amazes me most is that someone will be yammering on about 'the fat bitch' or 'the fatass' RIGHT TO MY FAT JOWLY FACE! Me: "I don't know if you noticed, but I'm fat". Usually, they fall over them selves apologizing or just shut the hell up which is what they should do, anyway.
In your opinion, is fat discrimination comparable to racism, sexism, homophobia? Why? Why not? Yes. There are different reasons people are fat...we learn more and more every day....thyroid, food addiction, psychological reasons, stress...If someone wanted to help us fatties, they could either accept us as we are or help us to treat the issues making us fat WITHOUT JUDGEMENT.
What immediately comes to mind when you think about clothes for fat women?
Used to all be old lady, stretchy clothes. Now, well, money talks and the clothing industry realized that money from fat people spends just as well as skinny money so they stepped up and we have pretty fashionable stuff..not enough of it, but it's a start.
What images do you see when you think about fat women as sexual? How are these images the same or different than the sexuality America pushes
in glossy mags? I don't see fat women as any less sexual that skinny ones. It's all in presentation and perception of oneself. American glossy mags push a very idealized, nearly unattainble look. Photos of the already thin and beautiful models/stars are photoshopped into waxy-looking shadows of themselves. The public should just realize that these images are like cartoons. They're pretty and all, but imaginary.
Why do you think "fat" is scary to many people?
The people it scares are probably a. people who have very little self-esteem in the first place or b.are the people who discriminate against and make fun of people who ARE fat.
I've been working on a fat project, too: "40 Poems for 40 Pounds." You can see it at www.fatmuse.com
When people mention someone is fat, I just think of it as a description, just like calling someone black or short.
You can't assume though that these people have problems. Hell, sixty percent of us are overweight now, you couldn't possibly say all of these people have some problem with being emotionally/mentally nourished, could you? Come on.
I don't think fat discrimination is comparable with racism or sexism. It's a health concern, not a concern of superiority. Sometimes it is, but most people are uncomfortable with the idea of becoming weebles, and they may think they want to enforce healthiness by keeping fatties out? There are fat people who are technically normal, but not many, so I don't want to hear any of that distorted BS, either. BS from both sides with people who have special interests.
When I think of clothes for fat people, I either think of something that is either too loose or too tight.
As far as the sexual nature of fat women, look here. Not everyone looks good fat. Some people look like terrible, shapeless blobs. A few women look amazing when they're obese or fat. The way the fat goes to their body is just right to form a unique shape instead of no shape. Fat women can have a shape too, and to me it creates this sort of diversity in women to have interesting variations of the apple and pear shapes. Some women have these jowly, lumpy faces as they gain weight, other women may look younger if the skin on their face is being stretched. It's all fascinating to me.
The answer to why people are afraid of fat and fat people:
Here's an example of an actual study headline "Obesity spreads to friends, study concludes."
http://www.iht.com/articles/2007/07/25/healthscience/fat.php
I actually emailed the scientist.
I said the article feeds the problem I already have - that friends AND FAMILY do treat me very differently merely because of my weight. I know this because I have been normal weight, too. And now, science once again steps in to confirm prejudice.
The scientist emailed back and actually said, "I hope this study doesn't cause fat people to lose friends." AND he said, "Some of my family members and friends are fat so I'm not prejudiced." He also said he wanted to help fat people by doing this study. Interesting.
Uh-huh. Which also answers the question about prejudice and basic bias, although all biases have different consequences, so I'm not saying I have the same difficulties of people in other groups...yes, all of us in our groups...and isolated as individuals, too.
Jenny
I'm an air traffic controller at a small airport--i guess I give good voice (pilots,especially private pilots, are starved for female companionship) and i'm always getting flirty comments on the radio. I'm not thin but i'm not that bad--I could lose like 20lbs. I'm also one of 2 women at my job and ALL of my male co-workers barely pass their FAA physicals--they're all 60+ pounds overweight. I have recently had a telling experience with a local pilot--we used to have this sort of friendly, vaguely unprofessional banter. He visited the tower once, on my day off, and met my male co-workers. One day as he took off I waved from the tower and his next radio transmission snickered "I cant believe I almost got fired for THAT." The tower isnt that close to the runway so his comment was limited to my size--what he discerned from the outline. Since then he makes a point of being as officious as he can. He now often questions my control judgements--a no no and a safety issue for a pilot at a controlled airport--and sometimes cuts me off or makes transmissions as i'm talking. He continues to treat my co-workers with respect but he feels he can bully me because i'm a woman who isnt thin and therefore I dont deserve professional respect. To my co-workers credit, they've noticed this and now try to be as dicky as possible to him.
He answered, Not yet. How did you get here? Dont be afraid for me. He finished dressing, quickly, pitilessly. He was pacing impatiently across the office. We are dealing with a matter of science. Its the truth that you want, isnt it? She made a movement to rise.
She purred as he pulled out, rolling onto her side as he moved aside. Everyone they passed watched carefully, knowing that something of great importance occurred this very moment. It may mean nothing to you, but I must say that Im proud of you. His fingers dug into the sand when Arkir pushed off him to find another opponent. She wanted to lash out at Nialdlye, but that was wrong. You told me to mind my elders. Suddenly shy, Eyrhaen stared at the crimson and midnight pattern in the rug. Her fingers slid in, unhindered. Or even project emotion on him. I…didnt realize until recently thats what Id done, but its true. She barely restrained the urge to push up and seal her lips to his. Ive taken enough for tonight. She snapped back down to look at Brevin. Tykirs cock slid deliciously through her hands, the oils from his skin coating her palms. Her breath caught, the tiny, virgin bud of her ass clenching at the thought. Sighing, content, she hugged him close as he rolled over. She blinked, never having seen it from that angle. It doesnt exist, just as a truematch shouldnt exist —a little bitterness there— for elvenborn women. Im simply glad to be alive and back among the people I love. Touching another had never been like this.
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