Yo Mama's Daybook

(or why i ain't been bloggin')

Nov. 17
Kid to school
Teach memoir workshop at The Attic
Teach high school radio play class
Than freshman creative writing workshop
Make 250 sandwiches for Hip Mama anniversary
Party!
Read, drink large quantities of sangria,
run around giving out door prizes
& refilling chip bowl

Nov. 18
Holy shit! I locked Attic keys inside
Make class meet in corner of café
Oregon Book Awards
Lose to the Susan Lucci of the Oregon Book Awards.

Nov. 19
Up at 4 a.m.
Fly to Miami so kid can be in Real World-style teen sexuality special
Sequestered in hotel on island with 20 insane parents
while kids are at Real World house surrounded by hidden cameras
Someone’s Dad tells me good thing W. is saving our nation from . . .
The evil immoral gays

Nov. 20
Up at 5 a.m. Florida time
Bad hotel coffee with powdered creamer
Kid back to Real World house for day of shooting
70 staff people to wait on 20 kids
Find the two other Democrats in hotel
Relax on beach & swim in Atlantic
Get bit by jellyfish
Someone’s mom tells me that teenagers never had sex in the 1960s
Drink pina coladas
Kid gets back at midnight
Wants to know why we don't have a staff at home

Nov. 21
Up at 5 a.m. Florida time
Bad hotel instant coffee
Go to Real World house for “group parent interview”
Unbelievably bad hair day – I look exactly like Ronald McDonald
Get mic-ed
Immediately have to pee
Sit in real-looking living room thinking we’re going to talk about parenting
Suddenly everyone starts yelling about the EPIDEMIC of oral sex among teens & this NEVER happened in our day & it’s all Bill Clinton’s & rap music’s fault & things were better when pregnant teens got sent away so our innocent angels didn’t have to look at their trashy asses
Someone’s Dad gets put out for blaming corporate America
Um . . .
Fly home
Have nervous breakdown

Nov. 22
Continuing nervous breakdown & post-traumatic reality TV stress
Drink 5 cups rocket espresso
Nauseous
But have to teach all day
Student asks if he can write poem about pimpin’ hoes
I ask another student to make his radio play more appropriate for kid-audience
He changes gang gun war to water balloon fight
Kid brings home crazy mess of a report card
Emergency parent-teacher conferences
Dad from Florida emails: "we can talk about blow jobs and dental dams and anal sex, but corporations are taboo!!? What a world . . ."
Cancel plans to go to Cali for Thanksgiving

Nov. 23
Get call from publisher saying I have to go to NYC
Check self into mental hospital
Then pack

Nov. 24
Phone & gas get turned off

Good thing Maria just finished the beautiful new Yo Mama’s Daybooks for 2005.