You at the grocery store
I don't want to name names because I realize you're just trying to be nice, and you're maybe a little socially awkward like me and you really have no idea what to say to anyone. I mean, I do much prefer you being nice to being mean, and I appreciate that you don't duck away or avert your eyes like you haven't seen me at all. But here’s the scenario, and it happens all the time:
I'm in line at the grocery store, my little pint of Coconut Bliss on the belt, baby propped on my hip. He's smiling gleeful mischievous as he pulls my hair.
Comes a voice: "Hey? Ariel?"
I turn around. "Oh, hey–how are you? I haven't seen you in a while."
"Oh my god, I know, and your baby is so CUTE. Congratulations. He's adorable!"
"Thanks, I know. I think he turned out rather well." I'm nodding and smiling and trying not to be socially awkward.
And then you nod and you're silent for a moment before you continue. "Yeah, you know, one of my daughter's classmates has two moms, and you know, he's just a really great kid."
I keep smiling, wonder why you are telling me this. "Cool," I say. "Right on."
"Yeah," you say. "He’s just very normal and great. I mean, we've never had him over or anything--"
And then it dawns on me. You are telling me this because you know that my son has two moms, too, and you want me to know that this is all right with you, and you want me to know that this other boy who has two moms is cool--is normal--and so maybe my adorable baby has some hope of being cool, too, of being normal. Like maybe he won't grow horns from his head after all, and, you know, you won't have us over or anything, but my baby might turn out fine, might turn out good enough even to go to school with your daughter.
"Well, thanks," I say. "That's great news." And it's not like I really want you to be embarrassed, but I'm mildly surprised to see that you're not.
You're not the least bit embarrassed!
So I pay for my pint of non-dairy ice cream and go.
I'm in line at the grocery store, my little pint of Coconut Bliss on the belt, baby propped on my hip. He's smiling gleeful mischievous as he pulls my hair.
Comes a voice: "Hey? Ariel?"
I turn around. "Oh, hey–how are you? I haven't seen you in a while."
"Oh my god, I know, and your baby is so CUTE. Congratulations. He's adorable!"
"Thanks, I know. I think he turned out rather well." I'm nodding and smiling and trying not to be socially awkward.
And then you nod and you're silent for a moment before you continue. "Yeah, you know, one of my daughter's classmates has two moms, and you know, he's just a really great kid."
I keep smiling, wonder why you are telling me this. "Cool," I say. "Right on."
"Yeah," you say. "He’s just very normal and great. I mean, we've never had him over or anything--"
And then it dawns on me. You are telling me this because you know that my son has two moms, too, and you want me to know that this is all right with you, and you want me to know that this other boy who has two moms is cool--is normal--and so maybe my adorable baby has some hope of being cool, too, of being normal. Like maybe he won't grow horns from his head after all, and, you know, you won't have us over or anything, but my baby might turn out fine, might turn out good enough even to go to school with your daughter.
"Well, thanks," I say. "That's great news." And it's not like I really want you to be embarrassed, but I'm mildly surprised to see that you're not.
You're not the least bit embarrassed!
So I pay for my pint of non-dairy ice cream and go.
posted by Contact at 5:03 PM
12 Comments:
I'm pretty sure the baby with horns thing is a total fact. I think I read that on world net daily.
My daughter is biracial and this dad at the library asked her ethnicity and when I told him he said, "But she's so pretty! I mean, I thought ... I mean ... she doesn't look ... she's so pretty!"
At least she doesn't have horns. That's what I always cling to.
I swear, there is some power somewhere that magically places these challenges for us pregnant women and women with kids into the grocery store. Its like the grocery store is where we are repeatedly confronted with a particular kind of epic challenge. I remember telling an acquaintance at the grocery store I was pregnant. They responded- "Is that a good thing for you or a bad thing? What are you thinking of doing with the pregnancy?" Oh, and the checker guy that my kid spit an entire mouthful of baggete sample onto his bald head because he was being ignored after asking nicely for a sticker. The guy wiped the bread off and then rubbed sanitizer into his shiny head. And you with the awkwardly poor soul in your face struggling with their homophobia. Wear armour into the grocery store- thats my advice.
Ahh... socially awkward moments, how I love thee. As someone who is socially inept, I've been at both ends of that sort of moment. The "ah ha" moment doesn't usually come until much, much later. Though, on an occasion or two, it arrives after I've uttered whatever bumbling statement.
I'm sure the individual will have that 'Ah ha' moment (I hope). If not, I have plenty that I can share with them. ;)
i thought it was just cuz you're famous :) nobody has ever said anything like that to me, and my kids are biracial and have two moms, actually all the kids at the daycare, including my daughter, think she's the luckiest kid ever for having two moms, and the kids with single moms go home and tell their straight mamas to hook up with a woman so they can have two moms too...ok, it was only one kid, but still...just enjoy your ice cream and your son, and be prepared with a better comeback next time :)
You know what I think it is? Those of us that are heterowhite moms feel just how white and just how hetero we are when encountering an exotic, fabulously lesbian couple with a child. We just kind of want to reach out and say, Hey, we think you are really cool. You still shock us a little bit, and we probably look at you more than you realize when you're not watching. But you brighten up our landscape of whiteness and suburban nuclear families and people LIKE that sort of thing. Unless they're assholes or something.
I totally agree with Catherine. I've been reading what you've been writing since I was 19 because it's an inside look at a lifestyle and attitude that I really admire, and it usually reminds me to believe a little more fiercely in myself. If I saw you in the grocery store I'd probably trip up too, caught between wanting to say, "Hey, I really like you!" while somehow also wanting to say "Hey, I'm cool enough to really like you without feeling the need to tell you all about it! Because I realize that you really do not need my approval."
It's the new version of, "You're gay, right? My cousin in Atlanta has a friend who is gay, (implied "Perhaps you know him?, you know, since you're gay and he's gay?")
Oh Grow up, Ariel. You can be so damn mean. You think folks cannot at least question what is very different in child-raising? Do you honestly believe a change of mind regarding the raising of children happens over night because, well, you say it is what it is? Get used to folks disagreeing with you, honey. You are remarkably intolerant for a tolerant kind of girl. "My way or screw you," right? You can be unbelievably nasty. Yuck. How unappealing, your self-righteous and constant indignant attitude. Shock, girl. That's what all this is to us. Never mind. We'll become full of acceptance and try NEVER to DARE to voice any sort of discomfort or here's a word for your group: dissent.
Gotta love the anonymous shit, but - uh? - what yer point?
I think my favorite "ohhh, you're ___" comment has got to be "ohhh, you're trans! Do you know ___."
There are 6 degrees of separation with Kevin Bacon. There are about 2 in the trans community.
Man oh man. Reminds me of when I was working at the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force and people used to call and say, "I think my daughter might be a lesbian. Can you check the list?"
I've met some famous people in my life, (including Ariel Gore -- Powell's -- The Maternal is Political Reading) and find that I completely lose track of all social skills -- I always end up kicking myself afterwards for my inanity....
Hi Ariel! I'm out of the loop... didn't even know you had a baby! Congratulations!!
Beautifully written blogs, too.
--kathryn
www.kathrynreiss.net
Post a Comment
<< Home