I am a Money Magnet
So, I've finally decided to throw my pride to the wind, embrace my inner dork, and hire a life coach.
With an infant at home and a teenager in college, my most pressing need was to double my income. But every time I made a move to increase the cash flow, all my nagging little beliefs about money started bobbing to the surface: Money is the root of all evil. If I charge too much for my work, the people I really want to serve won't be able to afford me. My work isn't worth much, anyway. And I get to do the work I love--writing and teaching and editing--what right do I have to demand to be paid? Hard labor is work. This isn't work. And anyway, money is dirty. Good, spiritual, people like Buddha had no need for money. Why should I need it?
"If you say those bad things about money," my friend Inga scolded me, "money will get its feelings hurt and money will NOT want to come around!"
I know this, but what's a girl to do about a depply-held belief? I mean, I'm well aware that these beliefs don't serve me--living as I do here and now in America where everything from healthcare to education will cost you. I've got two kids to support. And let's face it, Buddha didn't pay his child support.
My sister, who's into past life regression and channeling dolphins and whatnot, tells me that she went to see an an ancestor clairvoyant specialist once and found out that our family had taken a 15-generation poverty vow. Fifteen generations!
Ouch!
"When did they do that?" I wanted to know. I was hoping it was 16 generations ago.
My sister shrugged. "How should I know?"
Fifteen generations. Wow, I thought. Doesn't sound good. But, as I learned from my Catholic priest father, some vows are made to be broken.
So I called up my old friend LaSara FireFox, who also happens be a life coach, and I said, LaSara, I need to make friends with money.
And then she told me how much she charged.
Gulp. "All right," I squeaked.
And we got to work.
LaSara, who has done an insane amount of research on the gender wage gap, says the gap--which has actually increased in recent years--exists even among self-employed women in competitive fields. Talk about internalized oppression.
So, wish me luck and money on my journey.
I'll keep you posted. And since I said those bad things about money in the beginning of this post, I'd like to take a moment to clarify: Money, I totally didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I was, in this case, just giving some examples about false beliefs about money.
Money is empowerment! Money flows naturally and easily into my life. If I charge what I am worth, I attract people I want to serve. I also create the time and resources to serve everyone. My work is worth a great deal. I am a money magnet! Even the Dalai Lama loves money. Money is clean. I love money!
What do you think about money?
With an infant at home and a teenager in college, my most pressing need was to double my income. But every time I made a move to increase the cash flow, all my nagging little beliefs about money started bobbing to the surface: Money is the root of all evil. If I charge too much for my work, the people I really want to serve won't be able to afford me. My work isn't worth much, anyway. And I get to do the work I love--writing and teaching and editing--what right do I have to demand to be paid? Hard labor is work. This isn't work. And anyway, money is dirty. Good, spiritual, people like Buddha had no need for money. Why should I need it?
"If you say those bad things about money," my friend Inga scolded me, "money will get its feelings hurt and money will NOT want to come around!"
I know this, but what's a girl to do about a depply-held belief? I mean, I'm well aware that these beliefs don't serve me--living as I do here and now in America where everything from healthcare to education will cost you. I've got two kids to support. And let's face it, Buddha didn't pay his child support.
My sister, who's into past life regression and channeling dolphins and whatnot, tells me that she went to see an an ancestor clairvoyant specialist once and found out that our family had taken a 15-generation poverty vow. Fifteen generations!
Ouch!
"When did they do that?" I wanted to know. I was hoping it was 16 generations ago.
My sister shrugged. "How should I know?"
Fifteen generations. Wow, I thought. Doesn't sound good. But, as I learned from my Catholic priest father, some vows are made to be broken.
So I called up my old friend LaSara FireFox, who also happens be a life coach, and I said, LaSara, I need to make friends with money.
And then she told me how much she charged.
Gulp. "All right," I squeaked.
And we got to work.
LaSara, who has done an insane amount of research on the gender wage gap, says the gap--which has actually increased in recent years--exists even among self-employed women in competitive fields. Talk about internalized oppression.
So, wish me luck and money on my journey.
I'll keep you posted. And since I said those bad things about money in the beginning of this post, I'd like to take a moment to clarify: Money, I totally didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I was, in this case, just giving some examples about false beliefs about money.
Money is empowerment! Money flows naturally and easily into my life. If I charge what I am worth, I attract people I want to serve. I also create the time and resources to serve everyone. My work is worth a great deal. I am a money magnet! Even the Dalai Lama loves money. Money is clean. I love money!
What do you think about money?
posted by Contact at 10:38 AM
17 Comments:
Oh lord, my one stumbled post was about my fear of money. http://www.thiswomanswork.com/2007/12/03/im-afraid-of-money/
But I'm working on it!!!!
Money is energy. the best book I ever found that helped me face my big ass money beliefs was Creating Money by Sanaya Roman & Duane Packer. We all need to check our money beliefs--even people who have money!
Ariel, rock on with your money-loving self! You are rubber, you are glue -- money bounces around and sticks to you!
Or if it helps to think of *The Baby* as the money-glue (pick one or both; you're the mom and get to choose), then do that. You know you'll do all sorts of crap for the kid/s that you won't do for yourself, so feel free to sully THEM with the filthy lucre if that's what it takes.
my problem with money is that i tend to have this doomsday out look that says "well, the world might end in a few years anyway, so what's the point of saving?"
so not helpful, i know. i'll be interested to hear how it goes with LaSara...
Money is something I cannot live without. Without money, I would not have a roof over my head right now keeping me dry while it pours outside, I would not have food in my belly and the promise of coffee tomorrow morning, I would not have pretty tattoos that toddlers ooh and aah over.
I would not be able to buy cardstock and ink and rubber stamps to make a birthday card for my mother.
I would not be able to buy extra creamy brie and bars of dark organic chocolate.
I would not be able to talk to my sister in Japan and fly on a big fat airplane to visit the rest of my family that lives on the other side of the continent.
I heart money.
All that money-lovin' aside, I am curious to know more about your life coach's research on the recent increase in the gender wage gap. I was under the impression that while not decreasing, it was stagnant. What sort of factors have made it increase, and when did this increase begin?
You're so rad, Ariel!
Ariel's a great client, because she does the work ALL the way. (She's not half-hearted. Yay!)
The gender wage gap has increased in SOME areas - and the wage gap is larger the higher up the "food chain" you go.
You can see an article from 2004 that has the gap at 75.5 cents on the male dollar on the topic here:
http://usgovinfo.about.com/od/censusandstatistics/a/paygapgrows.htm
And, here's a quote from another article (link below):
"The Wage Gap and Poverty
If working women earned the same as men (those who work the same number of hours; have the same education, age, and union status; and live in the same region of the country), their annual family incomes would rise by $4,000 and poverty rates would be cut in half."
You can see a whole lot more here:
http://www.buyinginfluence.com/wage_gap.html
Some more fun facts about the gender wage gap:
* The gender wage gap is widest in the white-collar world.
The higher you get, the larger the gap. While there are now a few female CEOs in the fortune 500, the wage gap there is the widest of any.
* It's smallest in the social services and non-profit arenas.
Helping professions are traditionally in the world of women.
* It's widest between white men and women.
Many factors at play here, most notably that the gap is smaller in so-called "minority" populations because white men make more than anyone, on average, and white women, depending on the job, make on average a rate between non-white women and white men.
The point is this; it's still not fair. It's still not sorted out. And yes, women who are self employed ask for less than men who do the same work. (On average. There are always exceptions.)
All the interviews I read and articles that made any sense to me offered this advice: the wage gap will close only through us actively and proactively closing it.
Legislation will not change it. Marches in the streets won't change it. Us women asking for the wage that works for us, in every instance, is the only thing that will.
And I do get on a bit of a soap box about it. It's the next area of "liberation" for the "women's movement." Until we can get out of debt, pay for health care, build a retirement fund for our dotage, and keep a roof over our heads the whole time, we will not be truly independent.
And, to answer Ariel's question; how do I feel about money? It's been a long, hard road to get here (I came from the same counter cultural belief sets as Ariel echoes), but I really, truly understand how lovely money can be. I understand, feel, know, how money can bring me into closer alignment with my values. I understand how I can use money to help build the world I want, and heal the life I cherish.
Buying the most sustainable option isn't usually the cheapest option, but the cost in the long run is more than we can easily predict. I truly believe that conscious capitalism is an area of hope for our collective future.
Thanks for asking an important question, Ariel, and for putting your process on the line!
If anyone wants to know more about my coaching services, get in touch with me. Ariel alluded to the fact that my services don't come cheap, but I think she will also tell you that she's already more than recouped her investment, in less than six weeks. (Right, Ariel?)
peace.
This post brought me out from lurking: it's touched a nerve!
Ariel, just finished your newest book. It was nothing short of excellent. You are *totally* worth the money. I just recommended you to a client as well.
I've watched The Secret and read a bunch on this money thing as well. So far I've not had any "unexpected cheques in the mail" but perhaps because I have the hugest issue with money. I too have to keep repeating to myself that money flows easily to me. If I could only believe it. As a freelance editor, it's my biggest worry. My hubby and I have eleven years of student loans that have caused us to feel we will die before we're ever out of debt and living comfortably. Together we graduated with over a hundred grand of debt.
The tactic for us is dream boards and being ever thankful for the money that does come in. My hubby also has a positive attitude tips website that he writes and I know it helps him remain focused. He talks about visualization, affirmation, action. For me, if I remain constantly thankful, if I kiss every cheque that comes in, :) if I revel in every blessing we have because of money, I tend to focus less not having money or losing what we already have for lack of money.
Gratitude can go a super long way, as French Panic (hey girl, fancy meeting you here!) suggested with her list of all money has done for her. I have trouble with affirmations because it always feels as though I'm lying. But gratitude I don't have trouble with. Also, I am working on revamping my editing business (action), and I'm constantly imagining life with money as though I experience it now. I deserve it as much as the next person. There is an abundance of it, an unlimited amount of it, if I want. It's waiting for me: I just have to go get it. :)
Okay, Ariel, you asked for it:
http://www.redroom.com/blog/jenniferkate/money-makes-the-world-go-round-brother-can-you-spare-a-dime
and here's some money videos to help:
http://www.redroom.com/video/were-money
http://www.redroom.com/video/money-makes-world-go-around
http://www.redroom.com/video/for-the-love-money-ojays
Plus, since you grew up in the Bay Area, you might like these:
http://www.redroom.com/video/charley-and-humphrey-glue-i-need-glue
http://www.redroom.com/video/charley-and-humphrey-a-kitten
Ariel, I can sum this up in one sentence:
Mama needs to get *paid*.
There is nothing revolutionary about being another woman who is underpaid and whose work is undervalued. There is nothing revolutionary about being another woman with no savings, no retirement, no cushion. And the trip about how you need some humility and an awareness of how lucky we are compared to other folks on this planet is too often used to shush women up about getting paid what they are due, and I don't see it thrown out too much at my male peers.
You need and deserve to get paid.
What an excellent question. I too have had to overcome anti-capitalist hangups about money. I realized I was in trouble when I was skimping on food. Food! Life-giving sustenance! What's money for if not to be healthy food?!
Now I believe that money is to be spent. It isn't a good in itself. It is a mediator, a connector between people with the same values. Think of it like a library book that circulates among a community. If you hold onto it for too long, you are depriving someone else and creating blockage in the system. But if you use it and pass it along to someone else whose work you endorse, then you are bolstering your community.
Of course, that doesn't mean you can't hoard a little for retirement.
So now I pay exorbitant prices for amazing food at my farmer's market. I buy new, eco-sound toys for my kids, along with scavenging for used stuff, which would have once been unthinkable for me.
I know what you mean about hesitating to charge more for your services in fear that you'll price out the people you most want to reach. But think of the cost as value, not price. I never, ever pay retail prices for clothes because they aren't worth the amount printed on the price tag, but I would easily pay a hefty sum for your classes--scrimping and saving to afford it--because I understand all the time and work and expertise that go into making the classes, and all the value that would continue to resonate from it afterward.
Your job isn't to right the social order by charging the least amount possible for classes. Your job is to charge exactly what you need to make from them so you can keep doing them. And a lot of what should go into determining what you 'need' to make should be not just material concerns, but things like the energy you receive from teaching the classes and making the money, and the self-esteem that comes along with being a successful professional.
Boy am I in trouble. I wrote long and hard about how much I hate money.
Uh oh.
http://www.lifeonavenuez.com/2008/06/06/screwed/
http://www.lifeonavenuez.com/2007/12/13/i-prefer-being-poor/
As always, an inspiration, Ariel! You are worth whatever you are charging and you deserve it.
I have struggled with money and have tended to feel there's not enough unless I work really hard to get it and work all the time and then don't have time to do the "non-income generating" thing I love to do and want to do more and so the spiral goes - and then I get super frustrated and I take a break when my body says "rest or else". I'm working on changing that belief and your post came at just the right time.
I've been experimenting just a little with "what if I say no to some work opportunities" and take some time for me, working out with a friend, and am building toward building in time for writing - rather than having it be a "when X is done" thing. I'm trying to believe that I can have enough -- strike that, make it PLENTY of money, that I am worth being paid for what I do, that I can have money flow without working 12-15 hour days and missing my partner's big art opening. I can have a life and money.
But first, I have to make friends with money -- with prosperity -- and I have to (and want to) believe that I can have pleasure and creativity along with it.
Oh, money. Money money money. I am just lately realizing how crippling my money issues are.
About most things in life, I am supremely confident. I believe I can have whatever I want - except money. Why? Why do I believe that I can't make money? Why do I believe that in order to earn money, I should have to do something I hate?
I'm working on it, though. I finally started talking about money with my therapist, and after our first time discussing it, I walked out of her office shaking and lightheaded. I felt sick.
I want to be friends with money. I believe it can happen.
TELL me about it sister! As a woman who does birth work I know plenty about under-valueing ourselves. People, rich people, will think nothing of furnishing a nursery with three-thousand dollar matching furniture (which, incidentally, the baby doesn't want anyway) but balk at paying a doula who will help them have, at least, a less coercive, hellish labor, and at best, a birth which leaves them empowered as parents and people.
Well enough's enough, my wisdom is worth something dammit! My education, my experience, my compassion (not to mention being on call, having dinner interrupted, having sex interrupted) is worth something!
And one o' these days I will happily add to your pool of money when I get be in one of your workshops. You're worth it!
Money is a tool. Use it to make your life happy. My father was a Calvinist minister who seems to have deeply held beliefs (which he more than happily indoctrinated us kids with) that being rich is evil. My mantra is: I will have what I need, when I need it. And so far, it's always been true.
It's not "money is the root of all evil." It's "love of money is the root of all evil"! Money is completely neutral in and of itself.
Ariel I am right there with you. I also have a teenager in college, and no infant but 2 wild boys who act determined to eat me out of house and home LOL :) Not to mention my bookstore! which is costing me more than I anticipated. I also need to double, no, triple my income. I am vibing you money vibes as well!!
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